Vera - I am so very, very grateful that you took the time to reply to my post. I am so sorry you lost your beloved husband to MSA. I know it is true that no one grieves in the same way. Your grief journey sounds heart-wrenching. I understand when you say that you didn't know who you were after having been a wife for so many years. I know my Dad feels that way, and I am glad you mentioned that because it gives me deeper insight into my Dad's state of being.
I will show your response to my brothers and sisters. It seems that maybe we are expecting too much of my Dad, too soon, although maybe we aren't completely wrong in thinking that he would be so much happier focusing on all his blessings: his love story with my Mom; his five adoring and supportive children; the fact that he is able to remain in his home with a full-time caregiver; and just in general the fact that he has had an amazing life filled with people who love him and incredible, world-wide adventures.
I suppose the most difficult part of dealing with our Dad is that our Mom was so nurturing and grateful about everything in her life, even though she went through a brutal fight with cancer. She always thought of everyone else but herself, and my Dad is the opposite. He is demanding and manipulative and it is a miserable nightmare to be around him.
I say this with a heart full of love for my Dad, and a heart full of compassion as well. Something is telling me that if he could just accept his disease, and begin, even in small ways, to focus on other people, he himself would be much happier and could find some peace. But maybe he needs more time. He is just so much more fortunate than so many people on this earth, and we wish he could focus on his blessings, even now in some small way.
Thank you again, Vera, and I wish you love,